Shark finning is freaking nuts and how shark-fin soup ever ended up a status driven, sexual prowess boosting delicacy is beyond me. Maybe it started when some guy swam out in the open ocean with a knife in his mouth, caught and wrastled a shark with his bare hands and came back with its dorsal fin as a trophy. Then, in an even bolder move, the guy threw the shark fin into a pot of soup, ate it, and got a promotion and the digits from several ladies in his village. Sounds crazy but compared to the current method of shark-finning and shark-fin soup consuming, this is nothing.
Today, it’s a billion dollar industry as sharks are caught and processed on a massive scale and only for their fins. After their fins are removed, the still-living shark is dumped overboard to die a slow, immobile death. It’s like getting thrown into a bar fight with no arms or legs and that’s why California is the most recent state to ban its sale. All this is good enough for me but there still needs to be another change – how do you get a growing market of shark-fin soup consumers to kick the habit?
After reading hundreds of articles about shark-finning, Jubbling figured it might make sense to help reduce demand for shark-fins in addition to reducing supply. So we put our best minds on this one and here are our alternatives for getting the benefits of shark-fin soup without actually consuming shark-fin soup.
| Shark-Fin Soup Benefit | Non-Shark-Fin Soup Alternative |
| Enhance skin quality | Bar of soap and moisturizer. Just about any brand of either will suffice and mix in a shower while you’re at it. |
| Boost Sexual Potency | Same as above with the addition of a good tooth brushing. Ordering the book, “She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman,” wouldn’t hurt either. Think about it – a bowl of viagra soup isn’t going to boost your potency. It’s just going to boost the zipper area of your pants and if shark-fin soup does that, what good is it when you’ve got a souped stained shirt and shark-fin breath? |
| Increased energy | Jillian Michael’s Ripped in 30 is a good start and follow it up with a 2-mile run listening to your new “Pleasuring a woman” book on your iPod. |
| Prevent heart disease, and lower cholesterol | Stay with Jillian Michael’s workout DVD and daily cardio. |
Shark-fin soup is also considered traditional and served at weddings and other events. But similar to a “Lords Right,” traditions do change and sometimes should.
So come on folks, consuming shark-fin soup is not going to truly improve anything and should find its place in history right next to human sacrifices and soon followed by kiddie beauty pageants. You’ve been suckered into believing its benefits long enough and now is a good time to make some real changes in your life to receive the sexual and financial prosperity you seek from a bowl of soup.
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Endangered pangolins rescued in Thailand 100 Pangolins worth about $32,000 were recently rescued in Thailand. According to the Guardian, the Pangolins were destined for a dinner table where it is believed eating them can cure ailments and boost sexual prowess. |
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